Copyright © 2016 Timothy S. Klugh. All Rights Reserved.

Today I was broken. It seems a lot of things have been occurring in my life that has led me to the acceptance that what I once believed the world was like was wrong. I was raised with the idea that I would constantly judge myself on the merits and errors I have made... that most people take a look in the mirror of their own lives frequently and examine who they are and what they need to do to become a better version of themselves. They would seek out how they could gain a richer compassion, a stronger ability to love, more humility, less pride, and a higher desire for the betterment of others as well as themselves.

As my life has gone on, I have noticed that very, very few people actually place such a challenge upon themselves. For many, their compassion is limited, their ability to love is conditional, their humility is a show, their pride is undeserving, and they indeed have too much desire to better themselves, and maybe they might help a few.

All these years, I have had to observe the coldness of corporate society where I have had to be submissive and hide whom I really am as if it were something to be ashamed of. Then there is the side of my life where I still pursue my dreams. On that side, I have met some wonderful people and I am grateful for them. There have been some bad ones too. For the latter, I have had to be a diplomat to those with egos far exceeding their worthiness, vengeance with shocking strength and endurance, love that is selfish and fickle, greed that feeds on others' glories, and narcissistic minds that see everyone but themselves as wrong.

Yesterday, after a long trail of struggles, it seemed like all the terrible energy came together and struck me with blows like I had never felt before. It was enough to break the foundation that was all I had left of hope that what I believed the world was supposed to be, could actually be.

I have to change my life and give it a fresh start. Whatever that takes, I must accept it and move on. Even if I lose everything, I must find my way to a state where I am happy with my life. I realize that strife will be there no matter what path I choose. Therefore, why not take the path I desire most and make things a little easier?

Those who are bad for me, who leave me feeling pain, I will lead them out of my life quickly or gradually, whatever seems best. I will focus even more on my dreams and follow them where they lead. I will seek out others who are supportive, gentle, kind and loving. I realize no one is perfect, but there are those who strive for these things. Anyone who has festered like an infection in me, I will cut them out. Those who try to intimidate me, I will fight back. I have to remove the bad and deteriorating relationships in my life, and I need to move on in hopes that better things will come.

I have been broken, and that person I was must be let go. I have to move forward prepared to defend myself without relinquishing any ground. I have tried to make myself the type of person I was expected to be; Now it is time to be the person I want to be.

Written on 09/27/2016

Page Range: 1 - 1